Waking up early had always been one of Jongdae’s favourite things to do; the quiet that came with the last hours of early morning accompanied by the chirping of the birds and the breaking of dawn gave her a sense of peace and happiness that she rarely felt at any other time of the day. Lately, though, she’d been despising leaving her bed at all.

See, love wasn’t something that came easy to her, hence her moderate list of friends with benefits, or, like Baekhyun liked to call it, the ‘members of the Jongdae short-term elite companionship club’, and so, the fact that she had neglected her feelings in order to enjoy what little affect this other girl could give her was now taking its toll on her.

Kim Junmyeon, first of her class all through school, and now, first of most of her classes in university, had made Jongdae’s heart fill with a strange emotion, something somewhere between excitement and fondness with a hint of admiration, and Jongdae hadn’t even realised until Junmyeon herself had put a stop to their casual relationship.

They’d known of each other’s existence most of their lives, being from the same neighbourhood, but had never been more than acquaintances up until their last year of high school, when they finally had a couple of classes together. In that class, Jongdae had understood that Junmyeon, even with her model student façade, was also a regular teenager who secretly drank and went to parties. She didn’t smoke, though.

“My parents don’t force me to be a good student; I do it because I want to be someone who helps this world get better, you know?” She told Jongdae with eyes that showed some wisdom. “I know I’m young and there are many possibilities, but I just like to live for myself without getting carried away.”

“I think that’s good,” Jongdae replied, thoughtful, “your mindset is accurate and very mature. I like it.”

Junmyeon chuckled.

“Yeah, anyone would be surprised if they knew this about me, wouldn’t they?” Jongdae nodded. “I just love listening them whisper in the halls, talking about how I’m this religious, gracious girl. I love to know they think they know me. It empowers me.”

Jongdae always remembered the most trivial of things about Junmyeon, and it bothered her more than she let on. She sighed and checked her phone, which she hoped would show a missed call from a certain someone she hadn’t stopped thinking about for over a week now, but all she saw were three messages from Minseok asking for notes and to know if they’d be having lunch together later that day, and nothing else. Even the occasional calls had stopped.

It was not Junmyeon’s fault at all, Jongdae thought as she walked to a café near her flat.

When she and Junmyeon had started messing around, around the first semester of their second year at university, they’d both been crystal clear about the boundaries of their relationship; if they were to keep their friendship alive, they would not let it go as far as developing feelings for each other, or else it would end up in disaster. Now, in the first semester of their third year, Jongdae was feeling stupid for not realising sooner that staying in bed, talking all morning, and staying home together during weekends couldn’t lead to anything but feelings that were out of line.

Part of her was glad that she was the one getting hurt by her own bad decisions, but another part wondered what would it be like if Junmyeon had reciprocated her feelings, and that hurt more. What else did she expect? She’d always known Junmyeon was one of those people who came into people’s lives only to leave a vast emptiness when she left.

She reached the handle of the café door and entered, feeling slightly refreshed by the smell of baked goods just out of the oven, and coffee. She spotted Minseok at a table close to the right and made her way quickly, looking around again in case there was a familiar face, but she saw no one.

“You’re looking pretty today,” Minseok told her as she sat down. “Hoping to run into someone, aren’t we?”

Jongdae groaned, “would you quit it? I did not even try today.”

It was the truth. In fact, she was wearing the same dress from the day before.

“That’s what’s great about you,” Minseok laughed, “you’re awfully short tempered, but you actually don’t try to be pretty yet still look good. That helps you cover all of your flaws; it’s cute.”

“Shut it,” Jongdae replied as she took her notebook from her bag. “I know your crush on me doesn’t let you sleep well and that’s why you’re always talking nonsense.”

Minseok snorted, “you wish. Anyway, I ordered an Americano and some scones for you already.”

“Look, Minseok,” Jongdae replied seriously, “I want to make a pact. If by the time we’re 40 we’re still single, we should marry.”

“Who’s got a crush on whom now?”

Jongdae was about to give Minseok the most sarcastic answer she could think of, when she saw Junmyeon crossing the street in the direction of the café. She froze and felt her face get cold, as if all her blood had literally left it.

“Junmyeon’s at the door. What do I do?”

“How should I know?” Minseok replied, clueless, before looking at Jongdae’s face properly. “You’re scarily pale, are you not seeing each other anymore?”

Jongdae sighed. “No.”

She hadn’t told this to anyone because, well, it was casual, wasn’t it? No need to tell people about it.

“What happened?” Minseok looked shocked, “I thought you were getting serious.”

“Funny, my subconscious thought so too,” Jongdae rolled her eyes. “Our most basic rule was to not develop feelings for each other, but one night, at a party, I drank a bit too much and got jealous about some girl hitting on her, and she decided it was enough. Not my best performance, I should say.”

“I am speechless,” Minseok replied, eyes wide, “look at you, never took you for a fan of unrequited love.”

Jongdae sighed, making room for her cup of coffee and plate.

“Neither did I, honestly, but she’s so perfect,” she sighed again. “She’s so surprising and exciting! She’s one of those people you never get tired of, you know?”

“Eh,” Minseok winced, “all I know is you’re in deep, deep , Jongdae.”

“Aw, thank you for telling me, I might have not noticed that myself if it wasn’t for your detailed analysis of this situation.”

“Wow, you must be feeling really lonely,” Yixing said as she walked into Jongdae’s shared flat. “You went as far as to calling me, I’m impressed.”

Jongdae scowled, “is it wrong to invite a nice friend over for a drink?”

“Yeah, right,” Yixing rolled her eyes, “you only ever call me when you want either or someone to pick you up.”

“There’s a first time for everything, you distrustful woman.”

She left Yixing on the sofa and walked into the kitchen, busying herself with serving some meat on a plate and opening a bottle of red wine. It was true that she always called Yixing in those cases, but it was also true that they were friends; there was nothing strange about wanting to spend more time with her as a friend, was it?

They sat in front of a riverbank, waiting for fish to take either of their baits.

“I think of friends as people who should not always depend on others, you know?” Junmyeon asked Jongdae.

Jongdae shook her head.

“You see, we’ve been taught since we were children that we must depend on others to succeed,” she started explaining, “in my case, I’ve been always told that I must meet important people, make connections and have a wide network by the time I’m thirty five, because I’m an only child and my father isn’t orthodox enough to think I can’t take his place since I’m a woman. However, I think that’s unnecessary: connections only allow you to walk all over people who, for one reason or the other, don’t have the same means. That’s questionable to me.”

“But that’s in a business environment, though,” Jongdae said, biting her lip.

“I know, but you know what’s also business?” Junmyeon asked, not waiting for a reply, “friendships. And I know, I know you’re going to tell me not to be such a businesswoman about this, but hear me out.”

“Friendships start off with people who take an interest in each other. Then it evolves, it starts taking shape and it becomes this thing with emotions and knowledge of someone other than ourselves. It can become something unconditional, irrational and even dangerous, very much like business, and true love. It then settles; it finally becomes something that is constantly there, something you can use and sometimes abuse. We all do it without noticing. What do you think would happen if there was this one person who’s highly dependable, but suddenly, they disappear?”

“Wonder?” Jongdae said stupidly, thinking she had no idea where that conversation was going anymore.

Junmyeon chuckled, “well, yes, you